Monday, August 16, 2021

A Letter to My 13-year old Self

Ananya Singh
SYJC-G

Dear Ananya,

                      “All great changes are accompanied by chaos”- Anonymous. The truest statement ever made was this one. It will take time for you to fathom it completely but it will seep in with time. It will become the mantra by which you live on.  A statement that you often neglected and a statement that I now embrace with open arms. But it was necessary for you to be a certain way for me to become a certain way.

A mirror is the best friend and the best enemy of a person. It shows us everything that we need to see but we only see what we want to see. Puberty is an awkward phase for every growing girl and so was for you. The changes that occurred had left you flummoxed and challenged. Every look in the mirror was a jab at yourself. Why are you not pretty enough? Why are you short? When will the acne go away? When will you feel comfortable in your own body? What’s wrong with you? The answer to all these questions was a simple word. Nothing. Nothing was wrong with you, it was a phase of life that you had to go through to become what I am now. Someone who embraces herself flawlessly. It’s difficult some days but then I realize how unique my flaws are. How those flaws and little imperfections add to my personality, how they make me different from others and how they make me more me.

Anger is the devil. Yes, it is. Yours was no secret. It was visible and made you go crazy. The emotion overpowered you more often than not. It dug its claws in you when someone went against you, it made you furious when they didn’t listen to you. Made you despise everything around you. It was okay. As you grow, the anger will flee. The Ananya in retrospect now is much calmer and ambiguous. She understands things better now. So, you don’t have to worry about it. I have changed and grown a lot. I have embraced the good and left the devil holding me back and I have become free.

We, humans, are creatures of words and labels. Very few of us understand actions. We love labelling everything and everyone around. It's no doubt you were labelled too, quite loudly at that. Arrogant and egotistical. But you knew the truth. You were just anxious and instead of embracing your fallbacks and facing your fears, you chose being labelled to be a certain way because that hid your supposed flaws from others. Humans are creatures with fault but not as scary as you thought they were and you will understand it as time passes by. This Ananya now understands it. You won’t believe it, but she did face her fears. She embraced them rather. She understood her anxiety, there are still bouts of it but now people don’t scare her. She talks to them better now, smiles at them, cracks jokes and in all feels comfortable with it. Time will make it all better, fret not.

Friendship is a sacred bond between people. The only bond people choose and is not given by. There are no obligations and limitations in this field. I know a lot of people faked it with you, I know that you were hurt, frustrated and sad. Sad because you thought that no one wanted to be your friend. That there was possibly something wrong with it. There wasn’t. They were wrong for what they did, amateur growing teenagers who needed an outlet of their own. You were good. Still are. You will grow up to have great friends, amazing even. Those people will make you feel comfortable the way you are. Those who feel sad for your downfalls and gleeful for your accomplishments, who admire your courage and intellect and give you advice when things go wrong. Those who show you the right path when they know you might be going wrong. They will be amazing people. Your people.

Teenage years or more specifically years of puberty often make your relations with your parents fragile. You make impulsive decisions and they stop you from following through with those decisions because they have been through that phase and have ended up regretting them. It feels crowded and congested too. But you will understand them and their actions better later on. You will learn from them. Grow with them.

Developing one’s mentality towards worldly things is a long process. It includes everything like music, politics, spirituality and ideology. It comes slowly to everyone. As the world changes the people within it will change. They are bound to. These things keep changing over time. You are afraid of showcasing your opinion because you know people concentrate more on passing judgements than understanding the differences between one another and embracing them. Don’t let their words deter you. Expressing yourself is important, it will liberate one’s mind. This Ananya expresses herself and follows through with the plan. Nothing can stop you if you want to prove what you believe in desperately.

In conclusion, I would like to simply say that time will change everything and heal all wounds. You will grow, learn and laugh through everything. You might feel sad some days as they might not be as good as others but it will all be alright. Your belief in yourself will get you through the harshest of calamities and hold you through every strike of lightning. You will be the best of you, you still are. All I want to tell you is that you had to be this so I could be this.

Yours lovingly,
Ananya.

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