Dear me,
Your life has not even begun yet. Everything will get a lot
better, I promise. It will be okay.
I wish I could just give you a hug and reassure you. I don’t
want to spoil anything, but just know that everything you are worrying about
now will be so insignificant one day.
High school will not be the best years of your life.
Actually, high school will be a bit uneasy. The best memories you made there
are the ones you made when you were skipping class.
You will get everything you ever wanted. You will get good
exam results, travel, go to a prestigious university, and live in a cool flat
with all your new friends.
You will find decent people everywhere you go, so don’t be
scared about leaving home. You will meet people who are just your people
and have incredible friendships with them.
You’re a lucky girl.
At thirteen, you’re just entering a new chapter. Writing to
you from 19, I wouldn’t do it again. Well, not the next few years, anyway.
They’re going to be a Hugo Boss Femme scented blur of puking in the work
toilets, being in trouble, and sneaking around after the last bus with people
you don’t even like.
In the grand scheme of things, the fact that girl may or may
not have made a bitchy comment about you in passing will not matter. Seriously,
forget about it.
When you’re 20 you will be living and she will be
living in the arise-end of nowhere with three kids and no idea how she ended up
there or where she’s going. That’s her path, let her take it. You won’t know
where you’re going either, but in an exciting way.
If you peak in high school, it’s all down hill from there.
Your time will come. When you’re 22 you will have a cracking figure and people
will like you for it, but that’s a ridiculous thing to feel smug about so don’t
let it get to your head. That’s all they’ll like you for.
And by the way, 22isn’t old. And neither is 24. In fact,
you’ll probably never feel like a proper adult.
Stop wishing your life away. The memories you’re making now
will be precious to you one day, for all sorts of reasons. Some because they
star people you love, or loved once but will never get back. Some because they
show you how far you’ve come. Others just because they epitomize being 13 and
clueless.
Eating copious amounts of nutmeg won’t get you high.
Sleeping in the supermarket car park instead of your warm bed is never going to
be a good idea.
Don’t wind that brush around your hair; it will get stuck
and you will have a terrible haircut for months.
Stop wearing baggy black clothes – you’re a 13 year old
school girl, not a depressed extra from The Craft. Actually, go ahead and wear
whatever you feel like wearing. The cringe-inducing pictures will show you how
much you’ve grown one day.
Maybe have a little think about some things before you do
them though.
You are ridiculously narrow minded right now, and your
understanding of the world will be blown wide open, thank God. The person
you become will surprise you. You may be disappointed about some things, but
those things are unavoidable, in shaping the bits that you would be proud
of.
I hope I haven’t let you down. Maybe I have compromised some
of those headstrong beliefs you prided yourself on, but it was necessary,
honest. In hindsight, most of your beliefs were really really naive.
Actually, here’s a list
of things you will learn at 21. Only I don’t really want you to read it yet
because you’re not ready to hear it.
Stop making things hard for yourself. Seriously.
Take up some kind of sport. Your metabolism will catch up
with you when you’re 20 and your interests include gorging yourself, sitting
down, and cider.
Your hair will never behave and you will never have high
cheekbones. Sorry.
Don’t be so rude to your teachers, when you’ve left school
and become their equal.
I know this is difficult because you don’t even know who you
are, but always be yourself. It will just be embarrassing if you try to be
someone else. Don’t pretend to like things you think are not right. That is not
the definition of cool.
I can’t tell you what happens after university, because I’m
yet to find out myself. I promise it will be good though. Yes, you will be 21
and still won’t know what you want to be when you grow up.
Your friends will be integral in shaping the person you
become, so be aware of that when choosing who to surround yourself with.
I could tell you to stay away from certain people now, but
the role they play in your life will actually be very important, so go ahead.
Love them and laugh with them and devote yourself to them wholeheartedly and
blindly.
You will be hurt but you need to be. Pain exists so we can
endure it and grow as a result. It’s going to be pretty annoying sometimes,
sorry.
Things will change, a lot. Embrace the bad with the good.
You might as well, because there’s nothing else you can do. Keep taking
photographs and writing everything down in your diary. Some of the stuff that
felt like it was going to make your head explode, you won’t even remember in a
few years. The rest will seem hilarious, or poignant in its naiveté and
innocence.
Above all, you’ll be okay.